My paternal grandfather, Iris Harmon, had a great sense of humor and was a natural storyteller. Around 1971, most likely for the benefit of his three grandchildren (my brother, my sister, and me), he assumed the identity of a young, wet-behind-the-ears Santa Claus, eager to make his mark on the world and recorded the tale of his debut sleigh run and how he came to have white hair and a white beard. I hope you enjoy it!
“If you’ll get you a seat and be right quiet, I’ll tell you about the first trip I ever made deliverin’ toys. I was raised at the North Pole, and the old man John Claus was my daddy’s name, and he had carried toys for years and years. Well, the winter of the big snow, my daddy said, ‘Santa, you’re gonna have to go out with the toys tonight. I’m gettin’ too old to make the run.’ So, that tickled me to death. I had never made the run before, and I was wantin’ to go the worst in the world. So, I went outside, got the sleigh and the reindeer, and loaded up the toys. I was a happy boy.
“Well, I had delivered toys all night, and it was gettin’ up toward morning. I just had one house to go, but there was a boy in that house that was so mean I just about decided I wouldn’t take anything to him. Well, I had some toys left, and I decided I would take ‘em over to him and, maybe by next year, he’ll be a good boy. I went over there, parked my sleigh and reindeer on the roof, and started down the chimney. I got down a ways and got stuck. I couldn’t go down and I couldn’t go up. There I was wallowin' around in that soot, tryin’ to get out. Well, I reached down and grabbed ahold of my bootstraps and gave a terrible hee-ho, and I popped out of there like a cork comin’ out of a bottle of mountain dew. Back on the roof, I took ahold of that bag, and I dumped every toy I had right down that chimney.
“When I got outta there, it was snowin’ so hard you couldn’t see a thing – darker than a pile of black cats. Well, I worried about how I was gonna find my way home, and I happened to think of Rudolph’s nose. So, I went around, switched it on, and it was as light as could be. So, I headed out for home. I got in about daylight, and my mother said, ‘Santa, what is the matter with your hair and beard?’ I had it full of soot. She said, ‘We’ll have to wash that out of there.’ So, she mixed up a potion of some kind. I don’t know what it was. It might have been some that stuff Eddie Albert and Arthur Godfrey advertise – maybe even some of Rosemary’s stuff could have been mixed in it.* I don’t know what it was, but she put me in to soak and set the thing on that floatin’ action. Well, it ran so long and kicked off; I was still a-floatin’, but I had almost quit actin’. She got me out and ran me through the dryin’ machine, and when I got out of there, my hair and beard were as white as snow, and it’s been that way ever since. But I kind of like it; it’s a lot of fun.
“Well, I guess that’s about all ‘til next Christmas. I’ll try to see you then. Be good and goodbye. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho…ho…ho….ho.”
* For context, TV personalities Eddie Albert, Arthur Godfrey, and Rose Marie, advertised, respectively, Biz, Axion, and Tide detergents. My grandpa referred to Rose Marie as “Rosemary.” 