I feel led to share some of my Christian testimony thus far in hopes that it may encourage someone. 

I am thankful to have grown up in a Christian family, and I don't ever recall not being in church.  That was due to my mother's influence. Although my father grew up in the church, as an adult (and for the majority of my life), he did not attend church and rarely spoke of spiritual things. Because of that, in terms of my own spirituality, I have often felt a kinship to Timothy, whose faith, Scripture tells us, was influenced by the faith of his mother Eunice and grandmother Lois. Similarly, my early faith was shaped by my mother Kathryn and my maternal grandmother Edith. Although my father was a good man and helped raise me as an upright and responsible person, my mother was the "go-to," particularly when it came to matters of faith. 

Around the age of 10 or 11, for some reason not clear to me, I developed a few inordinate fears. Specifically, I was afraid to travel far from home...afraid that something might happen to me or that I would get sick or die. I also worried that I would someday have to go off to war. Again, I have no idea what these fears were rooted in, but they seemed very real to me. Corresponding with the memory of these fears is an equally vivid memory of not being able to sleep one night and going to my mother to share my worries. She directed me to Matthew 6:25-34, which speaks of God's care for us, and that made a huge difference for me. 

My mother was also there the night that my older brother, in the bedroom I shared with him, told her of his belief in Jesus and that he wanted to be saved. Hearing the conversation, I said I believed as well and also wanted to be saved. And then my sister followed suit. As uncommon as it may be for all the children in a family to be saved at the same time, Scripture does speak of entire households being saved at once. Following our professions of faith, we were baptized and became members of the church we had grown up in. And church participation and additional learning about the Christian faith continued into adulthood. 

By the time I was in my early twenties, however, I began to question my childhood profession. Had I really been saved?  Had I really asked Jesus into my heart?  Had I really understood as an 11-year-old what it meant to be a believer?  I was concerned about my commitment (or lack thereof) and about my eternity. I found it helpful to have a lunchtime conversation with a dear Christian friend who I have known since first grade. As I drove back to work (ASU at that time) and stopped at the traffic light beside of Wendy's in Boone, I prayed and told Jesus if I had never truly invited Him into my heart, I was asking Him now. And that seemed to end my wrestling with the question of my salvation. From that point forward, regardless of whether I was truly saved at 11 or 10+ years later, I was (and still am) able to say that I know that I know that I know. 

In my walk with the Lord since that time, He has continued His sanctification process in my life. I have not always been fully dedicated to Christ. There have definitely been moments I have strayed from Him, followed my own path and plans, made decisions without Him, blatantly sinned against Him, and ignored Him. But I am thankful that, even through those times, He extended His grace and mercy to me and waited as a patient Father for me to return to Him. I am thankful that His Spirit draws me to Him...to confess and repent of my sins and ask for forgiveness (which, by the way, is always granted as God is faithful and just to do so). And although God may at times chastise me (which, the Bible tells me, is a sign of sonship and my Heavenly Father's love for me), I have more often experienced grace than chastisement. And because I have not been punished as I have deserved, the thankfulness that comes with that and the kindness of Jesus cause me to feel sorry for wrongdoing and to want to live for and please and honor and glorify Him. I have also come to see the Spirit's  conviction to be less about condemnation and more of an invitation to freedom.  

I am most definitely still a work in progress and will be until my time on earth is finished. I thank God for never giving up on me and for surrounding me with special people who encourage me in my walk. He has particularly provided me fellowship and relationship with select godly men...Christian brothers who speak into my life, pray for me, hold me accountable, and continually point me to Jesus.  

I am also thankful for a renewed commitment to be in God's Word. This is one of the most recent blessings in my life. I am not sure why it has come as a surprise to me as I have been taught all my life that I should read the Bible daily, but I believe that finally, beyond just reading the Word as a duty, I am experiencing the TRANSFORMATIVE POWER of the Word in my life. There were times past, even though I knew I was saved, that I didn't consistently desire to be in the Word. I recall Rev. David Jeremiah saying once that, even when we don't desire to read the Bible, do it anyway. He compared it to a person with an eating disorder who no longer desires food and is wasting away.  Force feeding, even though the desire for food is not there, is the ultimate way back to health. And I have found this to be so with the Bible. Simply start reading on a regular basis, and before long, you will find (as I have) that a new desire and affection for the things of God will begin to replace old desires, habits, and affections. And there will be a progressive stripping away of those things that are contrary to Christ. As Scripture says, the Spirit will cause us to will and to do those things God desires for us. 

My testimony is not finished, and I have much more to learn and to do as a believer, but thank God He is still calling, drawing, maturing, and using me for His divine purposes. I am excited to see all that He has in store. And I hope and pray the same for you!